A Sensible Change

This first week of school has been unlike any other. I can't remember the last time I felt as sure of myself as I feel right now. I must admit, it is a nice change. But it's so hard to describe...I've been mulling it over in my mind all week and I just can't figure out how to put it into words. Something just feels different. I've been happy before and I know how it feels, so I feel like describing this as happy isn't doing it justice - because it doesn't feel the same. It feels deeper, more satisfying...more radiating.

I don't know what's caused it and I don't know what to call it other than a miracle. For the first time in a long time I feel like my happiness is not dependent on anyone other than myself. Even in the midst of the chaos of this week, I have not become overwhelmed and I don't feel that it's anything that I can't handle. In fact, I know I can do everything that is being demanded of me and still be happy. That's how sure I am of what I'm feeling.

I think the strangest thing is, I don't know what triggered this change. It's just like, one morning I woke up and realized I didn't need to look at my feet when I walked down the side walk; I could look up and enjoy everything around me and smile at people as they walked by. I didn't need to fight for things to happen that obviously just weren't meant to be; I could let it go and enjoy the things in my life that wanted to happen for me. I'm not feeling this way because of an event, or a boy, or a particular situation...not a single thing can be pinpointed as the cause. It's just there.

I'm busy and I'm stressed out and I have so much to do...but I feel so at peace. I feel like the sun is inside my heart and I am glowing with joy and love and life, and I don't ever want this feeling to go away.