hunger

today, i sat in the guard room between rotations with a few other girls from work. all really nice girls, so i'm not here to shit-talk them for something they said. but again, it was just a little conversation that got me thinking.

they were talking about how much they hate going to bed on an empty stomach, how awful it is to try and fall asleep when you are hungry, how when they are in this situation they run to Jack-in-the-Box or make a quick snack in the kitchen. normal conversation right?

maybe its because of major themes of all the books i've been reading, but my mind immediately shouts, "well lucky for you, because there are loads of people in this city, this country, this world, who go to bed with that feeling every night, and unfortunately many of them can't solve that problem as easily as you can!" thank gosh for the skill of thinking before speaking. but seriously.

its so easy for people to take advantage of what we take as normalcy in every day life. a family may go days without eating, while we complain after a few hours about how "starving" we are. we whine that we hate going to work when other people are struggling to even find a job. we ramble on about how bored we are when we're stuck at home for the night, when in reality we should be thankful we have a safe place to call home.

now, i'm not claiming that i don't ever take things for granted in my life. i do - far too often. but i am becoming aware of the fact that i do, thus it is something i am working to improve

Welcoming a Simple Day

i'd say i was productive today, but it wasn't a stressful kind of productive. it was a nice and easy, progressive sort of productive. thank gosh, especially after the chaos that was yesterday, centered around my munchkin's first inter-squad swim meet (SO cute, but SO crazy).

5 hours of work in before 12:30.

a phone call to brighten my day.

a freaking BOMB brownie sundae.

a greatly needed and appreciated nap.

a clean room.

a written down and organized schedule for the next two weeks.

tom petty and the heartbreakers serenading me as i write.

plans to hang out with trevor tonight.

i feel peaceful. i'm ok with not really doing anything wild and crazy. to find joy and happiness in small things. even though i'm exhausted still from yesterday and literally feel like i could pass out cold at any moment, i'm still content.

speaking of content...somewhere on this world wide web today, i saw a question that was asked to someone: "Are you content?" their response? "With what?" i don't know why that caught my eye (a general trend, some things just do), but i thought about it a little. to me, content is a general expression of emotion - sure it can be applied to something direct like "are you content with the way this happened?" BUT i associate contentedness with life as a whole; if someone asked me that question, i would automatically think of it in such broad terms. by answering "with what?" however, i feel that you are insinuating that there are aspects of life you are not content with, so therefore you are not content as a whole. so maybe, because i am content with life, that is why i think of it in the grander scheme. is that weird? this may be one of those things that just makes more sense in my head...

oh well!

this is not okay

its raining.

in july.

i want my summer.

>:/

Happy Fourth!

"If there is ever a tomorrow that we're not together..there is something you must always remember. You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart...I will always be with you."

Happy Fourth of July to everyone, and a HUGE thank you to all the servicemen in the history, present, and future of our country. It is because of you that I am privileged to live the free and blessed life that I do.

Knowing people in the military has opened my eyes to an entirely new way of thinking, and it has given me a better appreciation for such people. It gives me a lot more to be grateful for on a day such as today, besides fireworks, BBQs, and friends. It is a bummer though that so many American's reserve their patriotism and their gratitude just for this day...we shouldn't need a holiday to give us a reason to express that.

Thank you poohad for everything you have done, everything you do, and all the dreams and wishes you hope to fulfill. I'm proud of you every day. Miss you.

Grown-up Weekend

i have to say, i don't know if i could ever get accustomed to living (happily) by myself. it's terribly lonesome.

i've been house sitting for the past couple days, which has given me the opportunity to think about this sort of thing. i'm in a house that i'm familiar with, only normally it is buzzing with activity - being that it belongs to a family of 7 people, a dog, and a cat. so maybe its a combination of that, and never having to have really been anywhere completely on my own...but i'm not too fond of the solitary lifestyle. at this point in my life, i couldn't imagine living without my family or roommates. it would just be too weird.

on the plus side, it does give you a lot of time to think and reflect, but i've been doing enough of that on my own lately at my own house. being here completely alone (minus the dog, who judging by his whining is very lonely too) was definitely an over-dose on the "me" time. it crossed over from a healthy level of personal reflection to an overthinking and a tormenting amount of analysis. needless to say, i think i'll be spending the night back at home tonight. i'm not ready to be THAT much of a grown-up!

Wish I May, Wish I Might

today i walked out of the guard room on my way to rotate to the competition pool, and when i looked up at the sky, there was a single bright star visible, just outside the last reaching rays of the sunset.

going back to my Pinocchio, Disney-watching, little kid roots, I closed my eyes and made a wish. obviously, everyone knows that if you tell your wish to people it won't come true. but i will give you a hint. it falls along the lines of this:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

day-to-day

not a lot of blogging recently, nothing really profound to say i suppose haha. i finally have a weekend off of work coming up, so maybe that will be an opportunity for some new adventures. i could use a little bit of spice to be added to my life!

i babysat the cutest little boy and girl yesterday - Brynn is 3 and Chase is 1, almost 2. we played on the grass by the pool while their parents got in some swim time. another family i'm familiar with that is around the pool showed up with Chloe and Olivia, two adopted little girls. Brynn saw them and said, "I want to go make friends!" and ran over and within seconds the girls were playing catch, leap-frog, and make-believe. (Chase tried to join in too, but boys weren't really allowed haha) i couldn't help but smile at the innocence and be so impressed by the lack of judgement and pure eagerness to just have someone new to play with. if only it could stay that way as we grow older.

today i'm ready to say good bye to June, and its gloom! come on, sunshine, where are you??