Love Yourself

"...just be patient. Enjoy Court for a while, and I guarantee you will find someone who will just not be able to refrain from you, who would not dream of hurting you, and will make you feel how you should ever day."

Enjoy Court for a while. i count that as one of the top pieces of advice i have ever received in my life. as simple as it sounds...a statement that anyone could have made, sometimes you really just need to hear someone say it for it to finally click. or sometimes, it takes the right person to say it to you for it to actually mean something, or a particular context. whatever it may be, people can preach it to you until they're blue in the face, but you have to be in a certain place before you can truly comprehend what they are saying to you.

you have to learn how to like being you, and how to like being around yourself before you can expect to feel completed by another person. in fact, "completed" isn't even the right word. you need to feel completed as just being you and then adding that someone else is like the cherry on top. if you aren't comfortable in your own skin, if you don't love yourself and enjoy being the person that you are, it will be reflected in your relationships with other people (whether you consciously acknowledge it or not). you need to be complete on your own before you can extend a part of yourself to someone else.

by no means have i mastered this. but i'd say i've come a long way from the time that i received that advice. it's a daily struggle...you have to renovate the way you think, the way you see yourself, and the way you relate to the rest of the world. learning yourself, gaining confidence, and being comfortable in your own skin is one of the hardest things to achieve if it isn't something you naturally possess. the progress is slow. you don't really notice a change until you look back after a period of time. but such is the way of most things in life, right? but i promise, it's one of the best feelings when you realize you've begun making that change for the better.

just enjoy YOU.

Is it August yet??

I've had a lot on my mind lately...i don't know why it all popped into my head this week, but suddenly its felt like everything i've ever had to think about has declared its urgency...so there they all are, spinning and twirling around in my head. personal stuff, worldy stuff, social stuff...maybe i'll sort it out eventually and be able to write about it. but as of this day, its entirely impossible!

my best friend is coming home in less than two weeks from all his naval academy adventures. i haven't seen him since december! i would try to explain to you my level of excitement, but there are no real words for it - only some incoherent gibberish with some high pitched shrieking mixed in followed by a crap-ton of smiley faces that look like this ":D :D :D :D" with about...oh...8,000 exclamation marks. do you get it? haha.

so i'd say thats been a major thought consuming my brain lately, its like every day he gets closer to being home, my excitement level gets a little higher and the anticipation level grows a little bigger. i just can't wait to see him sitting right in front of me, not through a computer screen, but really RIGHT there. having a face to face conversation, not through facebook or the phone...a REAL live conversation! he'll only be here for like five days, i may only see him once or twice before i have to say bye again...but thats enough to hold me over till christmas. :)

excitement level on a scale of 1-10 -----> 50.

Do your duty

i was driving down telegraph on my way to the grocery store, and there was an older lady walking on the sidewalk where i normally ride my bike.

in one hand, she carried a bucket.

in the other, she had a trash-picker-upper.

taking her time, walking slowly along the path as people in their cars, bikers, runners, and even walkers passed her by, she was picking up all the trash she found.

thank you lady, for doing your part to make a difference. it made me smile. =)

I'm alive!

...but barely. sleeping and eating have sort of been taking a back seat with working and pet-sitting this week, unfortunately - those are two of my favorite things!

it's weird how i seem to be sleeping less during the summer than i did while at school; but such is the life of a college student. i can't wait to go back...and not just for the sleep. i miss my friends, i miss my freedom...heck, i'm even missing going to class and using my brain!

*****

anywho...i've been thinking today about how much time people spend complaining. it's funny how no matter how great of a time you have, there's always something that people can find to nit-pick and whine about or be unhappy about. i do it, i listen to people do it, and i hear all about other people doing it.

i know that it's important to never be truly satisfied - a swim coach of mine once taught me that and i've never forgotten it: "You can be happy with something, but don't EVER be satisfied." But just because we shouldn't ever be satisfied, does that mean we really have to complain about all the reasons we aren't? can't we just be happy? or is that too far outside of human nature?

i suppose that in a way, complaining could be a good thing...given that it is not over-used. it possesses a degree of creativity, because in a way, by complaining you are pointing out something that isn't the way you would have wished. but what makes it or breaks it is whether or not you are willing to take action to change that to a way that is more acceptable to your standards. if you merely complain but fail to do anything to alter it for the next time, i think that you kind of lose your right to complain about it. it's all in the attitude behind your complaining i guess.

so what if everyone made a conscious effort to complain less, and act and work for betterment more...especially here in the United States where we take so much for granted? i think it would make us a more optimistic people. maybe more grateful. and even more observant, if we stop and think about things and how WE could change them before we open our mouths to complain about it.

Interesting way to think about it...

looking at something ordinary in an extraordinary way. =)

Not a lack of wanting to write...

but a lack of time! the sunshine finally came out this last week, and any time i was NOT at work, i was at the beach...finally! four out of the last five afternoons were spent laying on the sand, tossing a frisbee, and dodging waves in a week's worth of the most perfect summer weather. it was wonderful.

funny how a change in weather is all it really takes to turn your attitude around and to fix your mindset. a week before this, it was rainy, cloudy, and cold (oh, good old Southern California) and let's just say my mind had taken a parallel to that yucky-ness.

but blue skies, sun, and temperatures in the 70s/80s have made me actually feel like i'm having a summer vacation and reminded me why, even though i absolutely LOVE college, i am blessed and excited to call Ventura "home." And i'm ready to get ready to go back to school, but in a positive light this time. =)

Quotable Kids (part one of many)

i deal with kids EVERY DAY during the summer...but "deal with" has a negative connotation, so i should probably rephrase that. i have the privilege of working with kids every day during the summer. between coaching, teach, guarding, and babysitting, i probably see more 12 and unders in a day than i do my own peers. and i definitely am not complaining. =)

Art Linkletter and Bill Cosby had the right idea...kids really do say the funniest things! i cannot count the number of times i have cracked up over something that comes out of their mouths...

yesterday afternoon i babysat Brynn and Chase again. now, everything Chase says is funny because they aren't really real words yet, but the accompanying expressions are priceless! While sitting on the couch, Brynn was playing doctor to a scrape on my finger, and the bandaid that i had on it was different than the ones she was used to:

Brynn: "How is it like that, Teacher Courtney?"

Me: "Why is my bandaid like that, you mean?"

Brynn: (eyes pop open wide, whispering) "You can't say 'why' a lot because...then you turn into a Y!!"

Me: (stifling laughter) "How come you turn into a Y?!"

Brynn: "Because...you just turn into a Y! And you like being Teacher Courtney, right?"

Me: "Yes I do. And I like you being Brynn."

conversation turns back to my hurt finger and taking its "blood pleshur," but i was still giggling to myself. sounds like Dad tricked a gullible Brynn out of asking "why" over and over...I'll have to remember that one. =P