something that drives me crazy

i almost called this post "something i dislike," but then i realized i don't actually have anything against this particular thing...it just makes me a little crazy (or more so than usual).

i have something i need to say and desperately want to say. but i haven't quite yet figured out how to say it. it's just so complicated and so strange and not entirely sensical. but it's there and i feel it and i'm not sure what to do with it now that i've acknowledged it. this sort of middle ground, the phase before i'm able to actually express what my heart is feeling, is what confuses me to no end. this thought just sits in my brain and invades and pushes forward anytime it feels even slightly ignored, feisty and intrusive.

mostly, what i think this centers around is that i feel i have developed some...standards...for myself, for what i deserve and how i deserve to be treated, and in a nutshell, i feel that these standards (although i view as highly beneficial to myself) are going to make things more challenging for me. that's as much as i can spit out right now.

sigh. i'll get it eventually.