Motivation

i've had a lot of that lately. i'm not really sure where it's coming from, or why it's sticking around for so long...but i am most definitely okay with it. i just mean, there is usually a motive for motivation, you know? its a little mind boggling to not be completely aware of what that is.

i'm really into classes this semester, i will say that. so many of them revolve around teaching and making progress toward being a teacher...i'm excited to get up and go to class because i feel like i'm actually learning something useful, something i find completely enthralling. it's such a wonderful change of pace. i can't wait to be a teacher. i feel like every semester i say that, but every semester my anticipation just grows and grows. i start interning in a classroom next week. i passed the first of three parts of the CSET. i'm doing well in my classes. i'm learning not just what to teach, but how to teach. i have a direction and a goal and i feel so assured that i'm doing the right thing with my career path.

sure, i have panic-stricken moments where i wonder if i can really do this. little attacks of anxiety about if i can really take on the responsibility of something as big as being a teacher. generally it tends to show up when i'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, but it's a scary thought you know? and i've always struggled with the question, "am i good enough for this?" in various aspects of my life. but in the big picture, i know that this is where i'm meant to be; it's the career i've always wanted.

i think sometimes it can just be a little terrifying to see such a big dream actually becoming real. when you dream about something happening for so long, its kind of a big deal when you start to realize the cards are falling into place...exactly as you wished.