Falling Off the Horse

well dammit. i screwed it up for myself. i was doing so well but i couldn't just be content and i pushed for more and what do you know, i ended up pushing myself right off.

i don't want to feel this way. none of that, "well only you control how you react to something" nonsense. no. i am not in control of this. i lost control of this a very long time ago. so i feel this way now and i can't fight it. and i'm upset and i'm confused and i'm frustrated. and i'm very much not okay.

and not to mention i'm just sad. i miss my best friend and i don't want to wait til Christmas. you gotta let me have my pity party on that one because i'll get over it soon enough; there isn't much other choice. it's just the icing on this dumb cake.