Unwelcome feelings

Today was a hard day. But it was also probably something I should have expected to happen at some point. It happens when you put your feelings out there a little and you get involved with someone you probably know wasn't that great for you anyway. I know I deserve better; that's part of why I've been so non-committal this whole time. I'm not upset because of feelings I had toward this person, I was upset because my feelings in general were hurt. And because of the catching up of everything I knew was coming eventually. I should also stop saying "was," because truthfully, I am still upset.

Everything in my life is going beautifully except for this one aspect. I don't know what I need to do differently. But maybe, if I get rid of this connection I have with this person (or whatever you want to call it; it's far from a relationship), that will open up a new window for me, or at least shine some light on a new perspective for me. I made a wish last night, you know, at 11:11 on 11/11/11. I'm hoping to aid that wish on a little bit if I change some of the "old" and the "comfortable" in my life. I think I can do it.

I'm just a little bit worried that I'm desensitizing myself to some things in this realm of "love" or whatever you choose to call it. I know that I deserve to be treated as a priority, not as a second-best option. But...by keeping myself unattached, I validate someone else treating me as second-best. I say, "Whatever, I'm not going to be in a relationship with this person anyway." So why am I wasting my time? To hell if I know. I need to work on that.

I'm feeling a re-reading of Eat, Pray, Love coming on. That book makes my soul feel good. Opportunities, possibilities, and the important things in life. Yes please.