Broke My Heart

I love my kindergarten class internship. I absolutely adore every one of the kids in that class and they bring so much laughter and so many smiles to my day. But yesterday was one of those days where I was reminded of what I actually can and will encounter in my future in this career.

I was sitting at a table with a group during center rotations, like I do every Wednesday morning. The kids love to chat with me during that time and tell me stories about their weeks or what they're going to be doing in the near future, or sometimes just be silly. One little girl was telling me that this week she was going fishing with her dad on a camping trip. I responded appropriately, saying something about how I'd only been fishing once, and one little boy said, "I've never been fishing before." The other kids at the table reminisced on times that they had been fishing before, and then quietly, the same little boy said, "Well, when my mom and dad stop fighting, then maybe we'll go fishing."

The other kids got off on some other tangent about something appealing and interesting, but all I could do was sit there for a minute and reflect on the magnitude of what this child had just said. It was heart-wrenching, but a very real situation. It took me from laughter and joking to this terrible aching feeling in the blink of an eye.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.

Now I have something to say

I just read this article titled, "The Psychology of Revenge: Why We Should Stop Celebrating Osama Bin Laden's Death," and I think the author is completely misunderstanding what the celebratory acts are standing for. Sure, for some people who are celebrating, they are shouting in the streets and what not because he is dead. The same as would family members who watch the man who murdered another family member get sentenced to death row. Nobody makes a big stink about that because it's small scale, they celebrate, but no one really hears about it. Think about the sense of relief that a family feels knowing that that murderer is sentenced to prison and then death, knowing that they no longer have to worry about them being out in the world and causing them or anyone else more pain...

Anyway, so yes, there are people that really are celebrating Bin Laden's death. Morally wrong? I'm not so sure.

But most of the celebrating? It's not so much that he's dead as that we can now understand that all this fighting and all these troops and all these struggles were not in vain. I'm relatively sure the same celebrations would have gone on had he been brought back alive. The celebration is for the boost in morale the troops are receiving, the resolution families of 9/11 victims can now grasp, and just our country. If you talk to anybody who really knows what they're talking about in terms of the war, no one expected the capture and/or death of Bin Laden to permanently solve any problems...so no duh the "world's not safer," "evil isn't removed," and "the War on Terror isn't over." That's not the point. The world will never be a safe place and the world will never be rid of evil and of course Bin Laden is not the only terrorist. But when so many shortcomings and failures and losses have come out of this war, I sincerely believe it is justified to celebrate one victory in support of our country and our troops.

Do you really think people are not mourning all who have been lost as Osama Bin Laden is killed? Do you really believe mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers and husbands and wives and children are not sitting at home reflecting on how much sorrow and pain this man has caused? Of course they are going to mourn. But what a sense of relief! Now they may know that their soldier did not die in the pursuit of something unrealistic, that they're family member was not killed on 9/11 only to be forgotten about.

Because he is dead does not mean that we as American's do not honor life. Him being captured, dead or alive, is a big step in the direction of saving more lives from his terror. Lives of Americans and soldiers and lives of people in the Middle East. You tell a soldier he needs to "examine his own heart" after celebrating last night, and see how well that goes over. You go put yourself out there on the front lines for the last 10 years and see how that gives you a little change in perspective.

Not to mention the contradictory part of this article. First, "We are not a peaceful species." But then, "We will only have peace when we stop the cycle of jubilation over acts of violence." Even if that were to be the case, we would still be the same species, in which case we would still not be peaceful. Look, I'm one of the most optimistic people I've come across, but even I know that world peace is nothing more than an ideal. That's not pessimism, that's realism. Normally I hate that statement, but it rings so true in this case. As long as there is religion, as long as there are racial differences, as long as there are independent governments, as long as people have brains in their head with which to think for themselves, there will not be peace. YOU can do your best to treat people with dignity and respect regardless of who they are, YOU can make amends in your conflicts, and YOU can live your life the best way you think possible. But YOU are not everyone else, and other people's ideas of "living life the best way possible," are different than yours I guarantee it. And if you think that's not true, I challenge you to get outside of your box a little bit; you'll learn quickly.

No, it's not over. I will give you that. It's not even close to over. Threats are higher, backlash is a big and real possibility. But those citizens, those soldiers that chanted and sang and waved the American flag? They weren't merely celebrating the death of another human being. And I think to say so is looking at the situation from a very narrow and one-sided perspective.

What a Week!

Well. I've wanted to blog like 800 times in the past few days, but sometimes, life just gets in the way. I've also done a lot of thinking about not posting stuff about my life on here as often, like I said in a previous post, and I'm kind of back tracking on that idea. This is my blog. I can still journal and have a blog where I post some things. Plus...when I write what I think, it's automatically an insight to the person that I am. So. Well. Let's just keep it as it was. Deal? Deal.

Some blurbs on my life as of late:

I told Claire Thursday morning that it was strange in my over 4 years of being a certified lifeguard, I had never made a rescue besides an active drowning victim. Then, with a terrible headache, we went to the Centrum that night and a girl sitting at one of the tables had a full blown seizure...and I was the first responder. It ranks up there with one of the strangest and most mind-blowing experiences of my life. It's taken me days to be able to process all of what happened, because all my actions were just so in the moment; it was like automatic. I didn't think, I just did. Now I've heard about that phenomena multiple times in training before...but hearing it is one thing, experiencing it is completely different. The adrenaline rush was like nothing I could describe. And try as I might, I cannot get the image of that poor girl out of my head. I wish I knew her, or knew more about her, so I could at least figure out if she was okay. But mostly...the whole time I kept wishing that there was more I could do for her but honestly, for seizure victims there is so little that can be done. Just waiting there with her for the paramedics was the hardest part.

And how aggravating is it that people have to be so SELFISH when something like that is happening to somebody else? What compels people to just stop what they're doing, and come watch like it is an entertainment show?! I'm an introverted person, truly, I see a lot of things that I don't like, but I lack the courage and am far too shy to say things (so I usually write it down here), but call it the adrenaline or the automated mode that I was in, but I have never been as straight-forward with rude people as I was that night. Like really, is it that hard to put yourself in the victim's shoes and think, "Hm, if this was happening to me, would I want a bunch of people standing around staring at me?" I don't think so.

So that's that. Thursday, prior to all of that, I went to a small group discussion with a retired Navy veteran and a member of the reserves for the Marine Core. It was interesting to listen to them talk about their experiences in war and how coming back was for them...but I was a little disappointed because both of them admittedly had ideal military experiences. They spoke about what it was like for others who were not as fortunate as they were...others who struggled with PTSD, struggled to resume civilian life, struggled not to lose themselves. I'm not ignorant, I know the majority of military members don't have that ideal experience, so I felt like I was being a little bit protected from the truth. I don't like that, big pet peeve. But! I'm not saying it wasn't a valuable experience. I'm very glad I went.

Today Osama Bin Laden was finally killed. I'm currently texting poohad about that, but that's got my brain going a whole lot too. What I'm gathering in my head is that I believe this is great for the morale of Americans and soldiers both home and overseas, but the possibility of a backlash is still scary. I think the world is the only thing that has the power to make me even the littlest bit pessimistic. Either way, my prayers continue for the troops. I'll refrain on much else about that on here, mostly because my brain is still processing a lot.

Once I finish my book for English, I'll have another post that has been a long time coming.

Ramble

Why do people talk so much?

Why does everything have to be given an explanation, before it is even asked for?

Why do we say things, and then immediately regret saying them?

Why do we have to gossip about other people's business?

Why can't people discern between things that should be said aloud and things they should keep to themselves?

Are we afraid of being judged?

Are we scared that we might say the wrong thing? So we ramble on and on until we hardly remember what we had to say in the first place.

What if we limited our words? Force ourselves to think before we speak. Consolidate. Be direct.

How many times do we say more than a person cares to know? Could we perhaps give the simple answer, and continue a discussion if further conversation is invited?

People think you're rude or stuck-up if you don't have much to say, or something is "wrong." And they talk about it. Talk talk talk talk. What if it was just accepted?

Ideally....

If you don't like someone, you don't like them. That doesn't mean you have to tell other people you don't like them, why you don't like them, and any gossip you may or may not have heard about them.

If you know two sides of a story, you know two sides of a story. That doesn't mean you have to make them one, it's not your job, and you may not know as much as you think you know anyway.

If you are unhappy with your situation in life, whatever that may be, do something about it. Don't whine and complain to others, or watch your life pass you by; deal with it as best as you can and keep your eyes on a brighter future, or, if it's something within your control, make a change.

1...2...3.

Simple as that.

What if everyone took those three seconds, placing them before every thought spoken.

How will what I say hurt someone else?

Is this the right thing to say in this moment?

Am I going to regret saying this later?

A Little Bit of Perspective

"He was a criminal for daring to want it, daring to risk everything for the basic human necessities, and now even those were to be denied him. It stank. It did. These people, these norteamericanos: what gave them the right to all the riches of the world? He looked round him at the bustle in the lot of the Italian market, white faces, high heels, business suits, the greedy eyes and ravenous mouths. They lived in their glass palaces, with their gates and fences and security systems, they left half-eaten lobsters and beefsteaks on their plates when the rest of the world was starving, spent enough to feed and clothe a whole country on their exercise equipment, their swimming pools and tennis courts and jogging shoes, and all of them, even the poorest, had two cars. Where was the justice in that?"

-Tortilla Curtain by T.C. Boyle

"Even after all this time, the Sun never says to the Earth, 'You owe me.' Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky."

-Hafiz

I am in love with this quote. Simple as that.

"Oh baby, baby, it's a wild world."

"It's hard to get by just upon a smile."

Calming a sore throat and some out-of-character emotions with a cup of tea. My bed does not have room for me to sleep in it. And I forgot to eat dinner.

However, I saw my first ever shooting star tonight. I didn't make some fancy wish on it, I wished my same wish. Just in case, you know. But I will take that as a sign. A sign of what, I do not know, but a sign of something and something grand. Because nature doesn't just throw around shooting stars for the heck of it.

Here's to some problems being solved, some problems being dealt with, and some new problems forming; also known as the craziness that is life.