Old Nonsense

"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

With that being said and keeping that in mind, I have something from yesterday that I need to let go of. Sometimes I'm stubborn and I will let something draw out longer than it should because I don't want the other person to feel like I'm just giving in to their demands; I don't want to feel like I lost the battle. But I think I need to stop looking at it as a "battle" and trying viewing it as an "unnecessary conflict." If it's unnecessary, walking away and leaving it in the dust does not mean I have lost, it means I have stepped up and taken the action that needs to be taken. Rather than lowering myself to the level of pointless arguing and pretty much pointless, bickering conversation in general, I can walk away with a smile and say, "Fine. I'm sorry you feel that way, but I am not doing this with you." And every time I see that person from that point forward, I will be pleasant. No, I will not invite conversation. No, I will not go out of my way to attract their attention. No, I will not change the way I live my life to accommodate that person's insecurities that involve me. But I will smile and keep my head up instead of blankly looking down at the ground.

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With that being said however, like I said, I still have something I need to let go of. And because I don't want more people involved in this than necessary, I'm going to do my final rant here, and from this point forward, it it is over and done with. I am moving on to my tomorrow with "too high a spirit" to continue dealing with this. Okay, here it goes.

THIS: "Okay please stop telling [person] and [person] I'm being bitchy to u cus I'm not. Not talking is not being bitchy. It's avoiding confrontation. Sorry I dnt want to have arguments. I've tried talking to u and u just act like I did something wrong so I'm basically like trying to stay out of your way as much as possible. I don't wanna cause any more problems with anyone. If this drama u have with me is just over [person] then it's not worth it. Me and [person] are just friends and I'd like to keep him as a friend but that isn't possible if all you to do is talk crap about me when u are together or texting. I said sorry a while ago and u like blew it off so those harsh feelings is what I still feel. We would be perfectly fine if we culd just act nice towards each other. I mean I still have good memories from jr. guards and stuff. Maybe those times culd come back." IS NOT AN APOLOGY. I don't know in what way you considered all of that to be an "apology," but if you were expecting me to apologize for anything, which it seems like you were, I suggest you lower your expectations.

#1: I didn't tell anyone you were being bitchy, that was all brought up to me by those people. They asked "Hey, why is she so rude to you?" So do not blame me for telling them this when you made it so painfully obvious that they felt the need to ask me about it. I've worked there for five years, I don't play these games that you seem to think I play.

#2: What argument are we having? We don't talk, I'm pretty sure arguing involves talking. All I'm asking is that you quit glaring at me every time I walk in a room. Don't say "I'm not glaring, I just notice when you walk by," because there is an obvious change in your face from when you go to talking to one person and turn around to "notice" me.

#3: I have no drama with you. YOU have drama with me that YOU are creating. I don't talk to you. I'm pretty sure, again, that for me to start drama with you there has to be some sort of initiation of that drama...which so far has all been on your end. And if you think that I am the one who is going to prevent you and said-person from having a friendship, you are very, very mistaken. The only one who is going to stop that from happening is you...everything you do to try and "win him back" or get him back on your side only pushes him farther away from you. If you'd quit being so absorbed in your own life and actually started to care about him and how he feels, you'd probably have noticed that a long time ago.

#4: I never blew off your apology. Even though I didn't know what you were apologizing for in the first place. I just DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH IT. News flash: I still don't want to. Or, let me rephrase that, it's not that I don't want to, I just don't feel the NEED to. But no, we will never go back to "jr. guards memories." You've proven yourself to be quite a different person since then, and I'm no longer that 17 year old either.

But as of today. I will be cordial. I don't like you, but I will smile and wave anytime I see you "noticing" me again. You're welcome in advance. Rant over.