La pura vida

Costa Rica.

Let's be real: I think about it a good 75% of the time. What I can do to make sure it happens. How much it's going to cost me. Where I can pinch some pennies to save extra money. What I would get from the experience. What I would bring. What I might possibly do while I was there. I'm pretty sure I even dreamed about it last night. I know, right?

I read this thing today, an opinion blog really, but the most recent post on "How to Be Happy" was to do things that scare you. So let's break it down for a minute. I am absolutely terrified to the point of nervous excitement to know that I could possibly be spending a month in Costa Rica. Let's count the reasons why: 1) I will know absolutely no one, 2) I will be far away from my family and my closest friends, 3) I'd be completely submerged in a culture vastly different than the only one I've known my entire life, 4) I will not have my phone as a comforting technology to rely on, and 5) I really have no idea what to expect. Clearly, this is so far out of my comfort zone that it's not even visible in Heredia, Costa Rica.  I might as well be saying, "Comfort zone? What? Where? I can't find it." Because doing this would completely break the mold for me. Isn't that scary?? Aren't those 5 reasons typically enough to make me bolt in the opposite direction of an opportunity like this? This is where you would usually cue me to say, "Well yeah, this sounds like a fantastic opportunity, but I don't think it's going to work for me," and then I'd continue with some bullshit excuse as to why I wasn't going to face my fears and try something new, but what I would really mean is, "I'm too scared and that's really outside of my bubble and since I'm not comfortable leaving my bubble I'm just going to stay here."

But guess what? It's time to get uncomfortable. Yes, uncomfortable is really freaking scary. If everything continues to work out, I can only imagine how nervous I'm going to feel 5 months from this day (3 days before I would be boarding the plane to San Jose). But I'm ready. Despite any nerves or fears or doubts, I know I've never been more ready for anything in my life.  The comfortable is no longer satisfying; it's not enough. To grow, to learn, to become more of the person I want to be, I need to go on adventures. Adventures that shatter my comfort zone; not just where I stick my toes out like I'm testing the temperature of the water. No. I need to trust and hope and have absolute faith that I'm doing something that is going to have huge impacts on my life. I need to just run, jump, and take the plunge.

I don't think I've ever felt so sure that I need to do something as I do about making this adventure. I'd blog of course; I'd probably start a separate blog that my friends and family could read...and that I could read for years and years to remind me of the scariest and best decision I'd ever made. If it doesn't work out? Yeah, I've thought about it. Sure, I'll be really disappointed. But it's not the end of the world - I'll have other opportunities and I'll just have to trust that this time it wasn't meant to be. But I'm a little too mentally committed to this already for it to fall through. I was doing okay with staying on the fence until I came home for winter break - and got the support of my family and my employers. It feels real. It  is shaking me from the daily grind, breaking from tradition.

Just the thought alone is absolutely thrilling. I can't explain how it feels other than that. It's not even a reality yet - but it feels like it; like no excitement I've ever experienced.