This is why I don't get mad at people.

I am moved. I am praying. I just had the most heart-wrenching conversation with someone I haven't talked to in a month because I was angry with him. I had every right to be...on the surface. But I failed to look deeper, and I'm a little ashamed of myself. My heart broke for him tonight; I hate that life is so hard for some people and so easy for others. I hate that I've known almost no real problems in my life and that I, more often than not, take that for granted.

Everyone has a reason for being the way they are; every person is a summation of their life experiences. And I think too many people aren't sensitive to that. Too many people mistake that sensitivity for "making up excuses" for that person's behavior. True, sometimes that is the case. I used to always give people the benefit of the doubt; I would be the person others would accuse of "making excuses" for someone else's behavior. And somewhere along the line, I started to believe that maybe I was just making excuses, and a little part of my heart hardened and closed off that sensitivity.

I don't like that that happened. And tonight, that hardened section of my heart bursted back to life. It hurt, something like a momentary heartbreak, but I think it was really just the shock of everything being pulled back together. Brought back to reality and back to being whole. I'm not that bitter person - I am sensitive to people's life experience because that is truly who I am. I should never have let the opinions of other people change that about me.

Yes, some behavior is inexcusable, I think that goes without saying. But I think that is a very small portion of all the possible things that could happen in this world. What happened between him and me...it's not inexcusable. In fact, it is highly likely that it was entirely related to the way he was raised and what he grew up with; and had I not closed off a bit of my heart, I would have known that all along.

So now all I can do is wait and hope it's not too late to end things on a good note. And the pray for him, pray as hard as I can. And remember that it was this moment that made me open up my heart completely again and be grateful that I was able to do that. So grateful.

"Remember to be gentle with yourself and others. We are all children of chance and none can say why some fields will blossom while others lay brown beneath the August sun. Care for those around you. Look past your differences. Their dreams are no less than yours, their choices no more easily made. And give, give in any way you can, of whatever you possess. To give is to love. To withhold is to wither. Care less for your harvest than for how it is shared and your life will have meaning and your heart will have peace." - Kent Nerburn