Dear You,

"Well one, you don't ever subjugate yourself to someone like that. You are worth so much more than that. I don't even know the guy and I want to kill him because of how he made you feel. And two, and probably the most important point to keep in mind, is you are always wanted and you always belong somewhere and that's with me. You have helped me through more things than you will ever know because most of the time you didn't know you were helping. But just like you have been for me, I am always here for you, no matter how far away you are. You always belong, and you are always important. Don't ever forget that Court."

Our friendship has always been a wild ride; I think the basis that it was formed on should have been an indicator that it would be nothing short of just that. You were a new student in senior year with a past I couldn't even begin to fathom, and we started talking days after my long-term boyfriend shattered my world. Let's be honest, we were less than stable haha. I never would have guessed in a million years that that night after Claire's show with me chasing you around the parking lot trying to get my dad's keys back would have turned into this.

We are, in every sense of the phrase, a friendship based on give and take. I know all friendships are, but ours surpasses anything I've ever experienced before. We give unquestionably and we take without guilt because we are confident that the other would do the same thing if the situation was reversed. I'm just in awe when I look back and see everything that we've gone through and recognize how very little it has phased us in terms of the strength of our friendship.

I posted this quote because it has sat on my computer for almost 2 years as a reminder to me of a few different things:
1. I am important.
2. I am never alone.
3. I have the best friend in the whole wide world.

If I could attribute the strength I have gained over the last year to a single person outside of my self, it would be to you. You are the first person who said things like this to me that I actually believed. I needed to really feel that someone else believed in me before I was able to believe in myself. I don't know what it is about you that made me really hear it when it came from you; I think it was just knowing how much of life you have experienced, knowing how much you've overcome, knowing that you were different than everyone I'd grown up with...all of that came together with the fact that you made efforts to stay in contact with me, you said these wonderful things to me with such a sincerity that something just clicked for me. You've given me so much courage and so much strength...or maybe not given it to me, but forced me to realize that if I'd really look inside myself, I'd find that those things had been there all along.

You have made me question everything I thought I was ever sure of, and sometimes I absolutely hated it. Sometimes I didn't understand it. Sometimes I desperately wanted to understand it, but you knew I wasn't ready. I'm not going to say that you've made me the person that I am at this moment; but I will say with complete honesty that you are the one who made me realize the person that I could be, and I feel that is infinitely more important.

Why am I writing all of this right now? Well, I've been thinking about it for a couple weeks, but have lacked the time and the language to adequately convey what I wanted to say. I'm still not satisfied with this entirely, but I don't think I ever will be because words are not enough to express what I want to say. "Thank you," and "I love you," are never enough, but I guess if you know when I say those things I mean all of this stuff and even more when I say them, then my point is made.

My other reason for this post is because this is a big weekend for you, and as your best friend, I absolutely could not be more ecstatic for you. To you, and even to people who have known me over the past few years, my excitement over this may be a little unexpected...but I've come a long way in a couple months. For so long, I have wanted nothing but happiness for you, and this weekend you are going to take the first step in what I know is going to be a lifetime of happiness. There is absolutely nothing in this world that could top the feeling that I get when I see you enjoying life as much as you do when you're with her. You deserve that and so much more and it is for that reason that I absolutely cannot contain my excitement. I'm so proud of you for not giving up when the rest of the world would have counted you out. Your strength and your determination and your perseverance will always be admirable to me. I absolutely cannot wait to watch you continue to grow and create this life for yourself. She is a very lucky girl.

I know that I'm best friend number two now, and I wouldn't accept that position if it had been anyone other than the woman you intend to marry taking the top spot. :) Thank you poohad, for everything you have ever said to me or done for me or helped me with...because I could not have made it to this point in my life without you. Thank you for finally making me believe that I am important, that I am worthwhile, and that I will always have a place in this world. I am forever and ever grateful. Now stop being sick, get healthy, and get all those clues in place! :)

Love you always,
Me.