An Optimist's Pitfall

I see the world a certain way. I don't see it as full of rainbows and butterflies, but I do see problems as having solutions and conflicts as having resolutions. I am a forever believer that there is a light at the end of every tunnel, even if you can't see it yet.  I never doubt the potential for a situation to improve. That's just how I am; and usually it works out really well for me.

But in one aspect, it will always bring me conflict. In my language acquisition class, we learned about how the human mind yearns to be in equilibrium - it is for that reason that first language acquisition comes so naturally in a typically developing human. The mind wants to be able to communicate, so it learns a language quickly and readily to escape the disequilibrium that causes tantrums and crying to enter a stage of equilibrium where vocabulary and intonation are used effortlessly. When my optimism can't solve a conflict in someone else's life (which is rare) or in my own life (which is even more rare), I leave my typical feeling of equilibrium and enter this disequilibrium where I want to throw tantrums and cry because I don't know how to handle it. My mind and my innate personality is literally incapable of processing certain situations; when I feel helpless, I basically shut off.

My mom is the prime example. She has a lot of health problems. And I don't feel that I have anything to say that can make her change the way she sees her situation. So what happens? We fight. Because I'm just so frustrated! I don't even have the words to describe the kind of frustration that consumes me when I'm confronted with a situation where I don't feel like I can really do anything to help.

The other thing? It only ever happens when I can't help people that I really love. If I can't help someone  who I just randomly met on the street? It will bother me for a little bit but I'll move on. But when it's someone close to me that I have spent years of my life loving...it consumes me.