Looking in from the other side

I went out to coffee with a friend who just finished his first semester away at college. He was telling me about all the changes in his life, breaking up with his girlfriend, his drinking escapades, and the "girl-at-home and girl-at-school" affair he has going on.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't completely disgusted by him. As soon as I heard the trash about "Well the girls know we're not exclusive," "It's just because I'm bored when I'm home," and "They don't mind," I was ready to go home. I told him that any girl who says she doesn't mind that he's seeing other girls and hooking up with her is lying to him and probably to herself as well. I told him she may think she is okay with it now, but I guarantee she won't be later. What did he do?

Laughed and said "Well you're probably right, but still."

But still what? What is missing in the minds of some guys (and girls) when they understand what bad effects this can have, "but still" they continue to do it? And what is missing in the minds of some girls (and guys) that causes them to believe that they should settle to be one of someone's many?

I know that I was once one of those girls who settled to be one of someone's many. I cannot even list the lies I told myself to justify that what I was doing was okay, or to convince myself that maybe I really was the only one. But now, being with someone who loves and respects me and wants to be with me and only me, I know that there was no justification.

I couldn't ever imagine treating a significant other the way I was treated, or the way I listened to this friend of mine describe his ongoing relationships with multiple girls. It also makes me a little bit sad because before he went to college, he had so much more respect for girls and never would have fathomed hooking up with multiple girls and treating them all like objects instead of human beings with feelings and needs.

It was a bummer to think about, but when he told me goodbye and he'd see me in August, the only thing I thought to myself was, "Maybe."