Happy 2013!

What a happy year it has started off as. I have good feelings for this year. Last year was good to me and I have so much to look forward to this year that I can't imagine it not being even better. Plus, it's really all in the mindset isn't it? Are external things really going to dictate how I perceive a year to have gone, or is it really going to be determined by my choice in reaction to such things? Hmm.

I spent my New Year's Eve in San Diego at a beach house with my wonderful, amazing, and pretty darn handsome boyfriend (first New Year's kiss ever), and I was completely overwhelmed with joy at how blessed I really am. I kissed him at midnight and then looked at him and felt like nothing in the world could possibly be that bad as long as I had him there with me. I could literally feel happiness swell up in my my heart. I love going on dates and having adventures, but I was completely content today sitting on the couch watching football, surrounded by his friends, with my feet on his lap and my fingers laced with his. I didn't have to think about school, I didn't have to think about money, I didn't have to think about work or bills or grad school or problems my family is having. Everything just was. It was what it was and I was completely in the moment and completely stress free.

I cried when I drove away, not only because I'm allowed to be emotional and because I'm not going to see my boyfriend for another three weeks as we both take independent trips back to the east coast, but because I knew I was leaving that contentment to walk right back into the stress and the work and the deadlines and the arguing. It's hard to do that. It's hard to leave somewhere that you want to be with every fiber in your being and drive three hours back to something you were so excited to escape. I don't mean for it to sound like my life here is horrible; it isn't. But my heart is in San Diego.

Whether I want to be or not, I'm home now. In my bed before 11pm because I have to get up at 5:15 to be at work by 7am tomorrow, where I will go back to smelling like bagels and coffee. I have to study for the CSET that I'm taking on Saturday so I can apply to a credential program that I cannot currently afford. I have to go to work again that evening. And then do it all over again on Thursday. So I've got to make the best of it, you know? Like I said before, my happiness is determined by my choices in reactions.

Somewhere in these monotonous schedules, I'm going to start working out again. I have to. I'm unhappy with what I see when I look in the mirror and that makes me sad because over summer I was the complete opposite. I'm going to get back in the pool - even if it kills me. I'm going to start walking, and then jogging, and then running. I want to look like I know I can. Some time between morning shifts and exams and homework and late nights, I fell out of love with being active and being healthy and found comfort in making excuses. That's not me. I can't be an advocate of healthy living and exercise for my little swimmers if I'm not practicing what I preach. So. I'm hoping that by writing it down, and it being the start of a new year, that I will actually stick to it this time.

I keep my New Year's posts off of facebook and tumblr and all that...but no one really reads this thing any more. So...thank you, 2012, for being so kind to me and giving me opportunities beyond what I ever could have dreamed - good grades, the adventure of a lifetime, the love of my life, the best of friends, the health of my family. And here's to 2013 - a year of more love, more friendship, graduation, new starts, and refreshed health. I'm looking forward to it. :)