Live, Laugh, and...

love is a really weird thing. its such a fluctuating idea. just when you think you've finally got it figured out, something happens and your entire perception of it is flipped on its metaphorical head. it just takes a new infatuation, a broken heart, or a mere observation of another relationship to alter what exactly you feel that you are looking for.

its also funny how different people's ideas of love are from your own...or the different ways they have of showing it.

talking up how great they're doing in order to try and make themselves look better in someone else's eyes...

working to make someone else jealous...or getting jealous themselves....

romantic words, actions, and gestures of affection...

pretending not to care. or pushing the other away...

its one thing to recognize those things and point themselves out to someone else. but when self-involved, its so much easier to do those things or not see them as acts of love, in order to protect yourself.

i need to work on that. i need to understand that things change. i need to be ok with the way relationships evolve and decline or come together. when my ex-boyfriend comes to work with a fucking hickey from some other girl...i need to be okay with that and move on and be secure in the thought that i am DONE with that and am ready for something better. but i'm not perfect...so i'll be working on that.

personally, my idea of love has matured a lot in a way that seems like it was overnight. i know what i would like in a future relationship. but i'm not really looking...stuff like this usually happens when you least expect it, or when you aren't really trying to force it. so for now, i will be living patiently.