"I feel..."

one day over lunch, sitting outside and enjoying a rare appearance of the sun, my best friend casually said to me, "you know, i've realized that you say i feel a lot." as in, where most people would say "oh i think this...." i'm more prone to say i feel this...

in our conversation, we kinda joked around about it a bit, and then moved on, probably to some gossip about a strange person we saw, or the fat centrum-squirrel that we feed french fries to. but when i think about it, that little difference reflects a lot about the way i am.

the truth is, i generally do tend to feel before i think.

i love before i question.

i defend before i doubt.

i accept before i judge.

all of those, i feel (haha) are based on a feeling that rises before conscious thought happens. and the latter may come as the initial feeling subsides and thoughts intrude.

its a blessing and a curse. because of this, i get attached easily. and on the flip side, i get hurt easily. it can really put your heart through the wringer - a lot more often and a lot more brutally. but it has allowed me to be more loving, more accepting, and more open....and i would never wish something like that away.