My brain is restless today...

it's a little all over the place...so this post will probably reflect that and be a little scattered too. hey, that's just how i roll. ;) and everyone knows, when you have a lot on you mind, sometimes its good to just...you know...write it down. and then maybe it can give you a little peace of mind. or at least enough so that you can get some sleep.

today i logged onto facebook and there was a post of something from this girl's tumblr account - a girl i don't really know, other than we're from the same general area and we both go to cal lu. we added each other probably because of college, but i don't think we've ever actually spoken. anywho, the post starts off with "what happens if you fall in love with your best friend? (best friend as in its a guy)."

now i swear on my life, i didn't write that as much as it sounds like i did haha. but again, this just kinda goes to show that whatever struggle you, or i, may be going through, as lonely as it may feel...you aren't really alone. its hard to grasp that sometimes, i'm not saying i always do, but if eventually you can say "hey, people have dealt with this before, people are dealing with it now, and they're all still alive," maybe it can be a source of hope.

i over-think a lot of things. i read into things too often when i should just take them at their face value. i acknowledge this, i know it, but somehow thats not enough to convince me to stop. i think its because i worry that the one time i let go and stop over-thinking...that will be the one time that i should have. or maybe i do it to protect myself. so i can say "i knew it all along," and use that to push out any hurt that may follow. or maybe its a combination of the both.

for gosh sakes, self, just because someone doesn't say "haha" for a few messages doesn't mean the world has come to an end and they hate your stinkin' guts! ugh.

i watched the blind side with Kendra tonight (although my mother is under the impression that i saw it quite some time ago...but that's a story for another day =P). it was great, i totally loved it and pretty much fell in love with every character. but it also brought up this feeling i get sometimes, that i still haven't figured out exactly what to do about. i want to be involved in something that does something great for people. i want to give.

my life is blessed - i know i joke sometimes and say "i wish i was rich so i could buy whatever i wanted." but my life is rich, so rich, and i will be eternally grateful for the life i have. but i am itching to get out there and make a difference in some way. i just haven't figured out exactly what i want to do yet. but be ready, something's coming. cross my heart.