Pink spiders and douche bags

i really really dislike spiders...i would go so far as to say i most definitely have a mild phobia of them. they're so creepy and they bite and some of them are poisonous and really big...i just flat out don't like them. but i was wondering today, would i still be afraid of a spider if it turned fluffy and purple with pink hearts on it? or in less specific terms, if that spider's demeanor was different would i be ok sitting in a room with it watching it crawl across the wall?

the conclusion i reached was no, i wouldn't be ok with it. just because that spider looks different than it once did, it doesn't mean its no longer in its capabilities to internally be the creepy, crawly, gross thing that it was. just because its now fluffy and purple doesn't change the fact that it signifies fear to me and sends my body into full flight mode.

now although it wouldn't be out of character for me, i'm not really writing this blog about spiders. of course there is some outlandish symbolism in the spider and his outward appearance. but first you'll need some background...

i go to school with this guy who did some pretty bad damage to my relatively insecure and lost self last fall semester. given, it is partly my fault for having such a lack of judgement and weak morale at the time...but i've come a long way from there. but i REFUSE to take all the blame for the situation and the way it turned out. he took advantage of the point i was at in my life and used it to his benefit, leaving me more empty and alone than i had ever felt in my entire life. as i regained strength after the bulk of the ordeal, he continued to fight his way into my life like a weed that you simply cannot destroy. finally after being more curt and openly disgusted with him than i would ever like to be with anyone ever again...he sort of got the picture. at least it seems that way.

so anyway, said guy came up in conversation with one of my guy friends over dinner tonight. he tried to tell me that i should "give the guy some credit" because he is "trying to make changes in his life" by attending youth groups and campus religious activities, and that he may have learned from his mistakes. and you know what, good for him. i'm glad he's trying to make some changes because God knows he needed some. but i owe no amount of credit to that boy. sure i've forgiven and moved on, but it would be stupid of me to forget what he did. sure maybe he's soft and fluffy on the outside (no pun intended) now, just like the spider could be...but for my own sake i'm not going to pretend the old him never existed...the creepy, crawly, and gross him.

congratulations on the attempts at change, but i'm not stupid. enjoy your new life, but don't involve me in it. same goes for you spiders...not a fan!