Crazy Day

I did nothing academically productive; I had every intention to but it never really manifested into anything. But. I did have a fun day, which was greatly needed and appreciated. But now I'm just exhausted.

I went for a run today (on the treadmill of course, I need more practice before I run outside). Walked a quarter mile, ran 2 miles, walked another half mile. I need to get back into working out. Physically, I have become so lazy and I don't like it. But at the same time, it's hard to change that. I don't know how to find enough time during the week to go work out and still have time to do all my homework and get an adequate amount of sleep.

But my muscles need me to do something. I've been eating so much healthier this semester, but that's not enough. My body doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel healthy. I'm searching for some motivation, something to get me to go run for half an hour, even when I really don't want to. I've been so motivated for school since being back, but I'm lacking that motivation for anything else. Or maybe not lacking, but I have yet to find it. I just feel like I'm still struggling to find a balance.

But I want to be in better shape than I am right now, that's the first step right? I'm not really unhealthy right now, I'm thinner than I've been since probably before I quit swimming. But I don't feel good about my health. If that makes any sense. I think I need to allow myself to make time for these things. A friend of mine who works out quite regularly once compared her working out to being in a relationship - it's become such a habit that she feels like she is missing something if she doesn't go to the gym on a weekday. And the fact of the matter is, I have at least half an hour that I can commit to something everyday. I think.

Sometimes I wish that I wasn't so turned off to swimming, that I was more willing to use that as a form of exercise. Maybe that will return once I get back into regularly working out; I realize the water is where I really want to be. But for now, it's so hard to get myself in a pool, and yes, I am a little resentful that that is where I've ended up with regard to a sport that I was once so passionate about competing in. But swimming was always easy for me, I think I need something with more of a challenge because it doesn't come naturally to me. That's why I'm trying to run, because it is hard for me - mentally and physically.

I don't have any self-suggestions for myself on this one yet...other than to try and do better. Can that count as a goal?