Shaken But Not Broken

I'm sorry about my out of character last post, but my feelings were hurt; heck, they still are. But I've at least calmed down enough to write coherent thoughts and feelings.

I'm ashamed to say that even for a few hours, I allowed someone to make me question why I write this blog. A part of my life that I am so confident about...and I felt that I failed to explain myself adequately. But as quickly as I questioned, I stopped. I don't have to explain myself or my blog or why I do it in the style that I do. And I should never let anyone tell me I'm not doing the "right" thing on my blog. I've said from the beginning, I don't expect anyone to read this. If they do, so be it. But that's not what it's here for.

I post opinionated things on here, some more opinionated than others. I openly admit that my ideas and beliefs are in a constant state of change, but at the core they are solid. I have a general opinion, but my reasons for having that opinion are still developing and changing; I'm only 20 years old! My general opinion comes from what I believe is right in my heart, and any details related to that I talk my way through. That's just how I am. But I don't like to talk my way through it with condescending people who tell me I can and can't do things. I like to talk my way through it with people who understand me and my curiosity and how I work, which happens to be a very select group of people in my life. For that reason, I don't go into a lot of serious debates with people because I know that a "belief in my heart" is not enough for debate purposes.

Being forced into talking about something with someone who isn't in that select group makes me shut down and get frustrated because I know that I can't support it and I feel that it is disrespectful to bring up such heavy conversation with someone who has specifically said they don't wish to talk about it. Yes, in retrospect, I shouldn't have even answered the first question that was fired at me. I should have paused for a moment and acknowledged my frustration and once again repeated I was not going to discuss it. But should I really have to say it more than once?

That wasn't even the part that really upset me. I felt attacked beyond that when I said I was using this blog for personal growth and this person said I couldn't grow unless I intake things and I couldn't possibly use this blog for that because I'm not challenging things I already know. He went on to say he wasn't attacking me personally, but is it wrong of me to take that personally? Because I feel that is very personal. I don't really think anyone else is in the position to tell me how I am going about MY personal growth.

I am who I am. I'll change for myself, but not to meet anyone else's expectations of me. Sorry.