Waking thoughts

Every day is full of choices. You are making some sort of decision every minute, whether it be a conscious decision or not. Sometimes people tend to think, myself included, that because so many individual choices are being made, we are entitled to be in control of the way things happen. In fact, a lot of the average person's life seems to center around this false sense of having control over situations and outcomes. We really have control over very little, with the exception of our own choices and reactions to what happens in the outside world.

But here's where the problem comes in - when we think that we can control the outside world, our reactions become slaves to external happenings. All because of a false sense of control. We want control; but we let something we have no control of drastically influence one of the few things we do have control of. Paradoxical, right?

I'm bad at this; really bad. My "big brother" tried to talk to me about this once a couple years ago, but it was all a little over my head at the time; although, I desperately wanted to understand what he was talking about. But I'm beginning to get it, and with that comes the realization that I very easily allow my emotions and my state of being to be influenced by things that are out of my control. I mix up sympathy and empathy with being a doormat for people to walk all over, drop things on, and wipe their dirty shoes on.

I feel things very deeply, I would never change that about myself. That makes me who I am. But I do get far too concerned with "what if's," when I need to step back and realize, "Okay, that may happen. But it is not a guarantee, and if it does happen, there isn't really anything I can do or could have done to stop it."

I think part of this problem comes from that whole confidence thing I've been talking about over the past few months. I need to feel more in control of myself and stop giving excuses for why I'm not. There is no excuse. I, as a human being, yearn to feel in control...but I often fall short in controlling the one thing that is my duty to control: myself.

So today? I'm going to put a smile on my face and choose to make the best of this day that I have been given. I am going to do my best to be the person that I want to be, and not let the external cause me to stray from my path. I am good enough the way I am.